No Valentine's Day until Domestic Violence Ends

I am a deeply disturbed, bitter and hurt woman. Last night on Kenyan news was a story about a man that hit his wife’s head twice with an axe. The wife managed to escape with a bloody face. Upon realizing that he was not successful in his mission (which was to kill his wife), he turned to his three children and brutally slit their throats with a knife before hanging himself to death.

Today is Valentine’s Day.  Here is what happens on V-day: A man gets a girl flowers, tricks her to bed (she foolishly jumps into his bed because everyone is doing it, or because a character on her favourite soap opera did it), he gets her pregnant and disappears. The girl is then disowned by everyone; including her parents (mostly because they think she’s a disgrace to the society). She’s left all alone with a protruding belly, later gives birth to a beautiful kids that she struggles to raise by herself. When she becomes slightly stable in life, the same cycle repeats itself on the next nearest Valentine ’s Day (she’s given flowers, tricked into bed again, and you know what happens).

If she’s unlucky,  she sinks into his arms and her arms end up in his sink… she gets married to one of the aliens who kills her children, if not her.

Recently, I witnessed a young man beating up his girlfriend in public, dragging her across the road before showering her with endless slaps. I couldn’t stand the sight. There was nothing I could do, really, mostly because I was in a foreign country. I returned home weeping, for all my daughters, sisters and mothers out there in the world going through this.

Nothing justifies anyone to hit a woman, or a man. Nothing justifies domestic violence.

My message to all ladies:

You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You are expensive. You are a princess. Princesses don’t lower their standards for others to be at the same level with them. You don’t have to be with him. You can do better by yourself.

Think about your children. They know what you go through, they are not blind. You’ve got to be a good example to them. What they see in your marriage is exactly what they think marriage should be. You can only demand their respect by how you live your life.

Don’t look at what he offers. It is not worth the violence (physical & emotional) he subjects you to. He’s not a god. I know it is not easy but Rome was not built in one day. You’ve got to decide if you want to live that way or make your own life. Think about it: most successful women don’t have men around them…or behind them. They have themselves. You can make it big, you don’t need him.  You are whole complete being, you don’t need anyone to complete you.

Don’t forget to pray. In all you do, pray.

I made a vow to myself: No Valentine’s Day for me until domestic violence ends.