I WILL WAIT FOR YOU

So it seemed that it was cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me.
So I took matters into my own hands, and ended up with him.
Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, & a thief.

So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,
Because it was me who let him in…
Claiming we were “just friends”.
It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t...
I was going to make him THE ONE

You know, I was tired of being alone.
And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time,
So I decided to drag him along for the ride,
Cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride.
A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat..
Who was tired of the wait!
So I was going to make him The One.

He had a… form of Godliness… but not much.
But hey, hey I can change him! So I’ll TAKE him, I mean he’s close… enough.
Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me.
Arteries so clogged with my will, it blocked His will from flowing through me.
So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,
That flat-lined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back
Through my ignorance He saw,
Through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest
To transplant Psalm 51:10
A new heart & a renewed right spirit within.
So now I fully understand,
Better yet I thoroughly comprehend,
How much I need to wait… for You.

See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning..
Cause in the beginning was the Word
And he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,
And all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings –
Which meant NOTHING.
He couldn’t even pray when I needed him to,
Asking him to fast would be absurd!
So forget about being cleansed & washed with water through the Word…
But I know You..
You were already praying for me.
Even never having met me,
Let me assure you, I will wait for you.

I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you
To appease my boredom or to quench my thirsty desire for attention
And short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’.
You know….
He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?
His first name LUKE,
His last name WARM.

I, I won’t settle for false companionship
I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,
Attempting to find some closeness,
But never feeling so far apart cause, I just wanna be held
Cause ”all I gotta do is Say” No!
No more ‘almost sessions’ of ‘almost coming close’
Passing winks & buying drinks,
And "I’ma, I’ma, I’ma flirt"
Who flirts with the ideology of,
‘Can you just tell me how much I can get away with this and still be saved?’

NO more.
I’ll stay in my bed, alone, and write poems, about how I will wait for you.
He won’t even come close,
Our fingers won’t even interlock
We won’t even exchange breath
Cause I have thoughts that I’ve "saved as" in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

I will no longer get weighted down,
From so-called friends & family talks,
About the concern for my biological clock
When I serve the Author of Time.
Who is NOT subject to time,
But I’M subject to Him,
He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…
So if we could role play,
You would be Abraham & I would be Sara
Or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answered prayer
I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,
Made up of your rib Adam!
And once we meet, like electrons
I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom.

We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him.
We were all created in His image,
But you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect the Son.
If I were to explain what you looked like,
You would have to look like a star,
A son of the Son..
I would gain energy simply from the light on me.
I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis
I await your Revelation, but once again from the Genesis, I will wait for you.

And I will know you…
Because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,
Your faith will remind me of Abraham,
Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,
Your heart for God will remind me of David,
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,
And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,
But your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks,
Cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will find me,
Where… the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth.
Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,
Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.
I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.


But to my Father..
My Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth
Only if you should see fit…
I desire Your will above mine,
So even if you call me to a life of singleness,
My heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.
YOU are the greatest love story ever told,
The greatest story ever known
You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness
And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business
Oh, I will always be Yours!
And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning
More than the watchmen wait for the morning…

I WILL WAIT.

Am indebted to Janette- IKZ

Ladies, This is for you...

 I was prompted to post this poem after a discussion with a colleague about God, living in holiness and what people think.

31 TO BE EXACT
And God said...
it was not good for man to be alone so he created YOU.
But somewhere along the line
Someone changed your perspective, shifted you view...
Like Eve.
You listen to the wrong voice..
And took a tasty bite of deception..
Now your stomach's upset cause you spirit won't digest it.
No longer the woman who walks in the confidence of ultimate artistic design
Submit your name change will call you COMPROMISE.
This is what happens when the Gospel is according to..
whoever is at the top of your playlist, and the media has become your Bible..
Searching scriptures of magazine to be told you are dancing lead in Satan's Recital.
But you are not her. And she is not you.
Cause we are called to so much more than
MAKE-UP, HAIR, CLOTHES and SHOES..
And dropping it like it's hot..
Even if we're able to.
We are women of a different status... 31 to be exact.
We are CONTENT..
With not looking like anyone else because we know our differences are not a reason to be jealous
but God's FINGER PRINT.
We don't run around talking about how there are no good men.
We know if we apply half as much effort on the inside as we do on the out..
we'll stop drawing the wrong attention.
SLOW to speak
QUICK to listen
Receiving intervention from a higher dimension
seeking purpose, watching our God given vision come to fruition.
Never forgetting..
that we have been forgiven much
So we eat, we live, we breathe, we give..
we even sweat love.
Always ready to hear from the women with silver hair.
Seeds have been sown.
And their wisdom saturates our soul, clipping that dead ends for growth.
You'll find us always promoting unity, serving in our communities..
Using our gifts and talents as an "All glory to God" opportunity.
Wake up in the morning with the grind for the most high on our minds
Constantly being refined to be exact of our architects design
We have no hearts.
So where's the answer before the question?
Any man who wants our heart will go to Christ knowing its in his possession.
Yes, we are beautiful.
And barefoot in the kitchen of grace
pregnant with purpose, baked into praise, Jesus is who we craved.
Awaiting to come to full term so we can deliver back what has been deposited
Knowing good will one day, we all will be audited
Mercy gives us second chance so we ain't receive what we ought to get.
We needed an intervention.
CHRIST came to do LOST PREVENTION.
On the cross he was stretch and fully extended
And we are given an extension.
Hear me. An extension.
Hear me.
Cause this price was worth far more than your finest Indian remy
I know we can change the things that we don't like all for a simple cost.
But botox, lipo, and implants aint got nothin' on what was accomplished on that cross.
Cause you can't implant yourself a new spirit,
Or lipo suck away your sin,
You can't lock band your addiction,
and you can't botox away your depression.
WE ALL NEED HIM.
It's time to change your status.
31 to be exact.
Don't be afraid of what's abstract LET THE SPIRIT OF GOD BE WHAT ATTRACTS.
We are women of a different status.
This world we will impact.
We are women of a different status.
Proverbs 31 women to be exact.

I am indebted to Janet, IKZ for this.

Prayer

Lord, I need you, Jesus

I need you to forgive me; I need you in my life, God.

 

I have never known a father’s love, no peace to find in my heart

And I don’t even know if you’re above

I heard a man the other day saying that you died to save us all

And that Jesus was the only way

But I’ve done so much wrong

Lord I know I have sinned

How do I get up from here?

Is this where I begin?

I am going to start with a simple honest prayer

Forgive me Oh Lord 

I know that you’re alive

Because I see you everywhere

Lord, I’m sorry

Forgive me, God

I’ll never bow to another god again

How I’m sorry

Forgive me, God

Please be my God from within

Help me, Lord.

Lord I’m sorry. Forgive me God

I didn’t mean to do it

Lord I’m sorry

Forgive me, God, I didn’t mean to do it God

I need you in my life God.

We Are All Equal In God's Eyes

I passed through a recreational park sometime last week. It was a cool and chilly morning, the sun had not come up to pave way for the beautiful day it was supposed to be. There were very few people in the park.

From far, I could hear the voice of a young boy singing praise songs. His voice was coming from the direction I was walking towards. It did not take long before I got to see his face. He was about 9 years old. He had a chiselled-angular smiley face, shaggy hair and a button nose. He seemed to have spent his night at that particular spot. I could see that was freezing but still happy… he was clapping and singing joyfully as if his life depended on it. He was disabled. He could not walk. 

That evening, I used same route on my way home. The boy was at the same spot I had left him, only that this time, he was sleepy after spending a long day in the scorching hot sun. He was struggling to keep awake; his head would go as low as 2 inches to the ground.  

As I walked past him, many thoughts ran through my mind:

• God does care about all of us, equally, regardless of where we are in life.
• We are all equal in the eyes of God, from that boy in the park to the World Bank president, to Bill Gates. We are all equal… and God doesn’t love any one much more than the other… God loves Uhuru Kenyatta (my president) in the same magnitude as he loves that boy and in the same way that He loves me.

Isn’t that deep?

Public Service

I have lost in the debate with myself on whether or not this should appear in my blog.

I need to make some things clear before starting out on this post’s agenda. 

First, thanks to all of you that have been faithful to this blog. I am humbled by your continued support. Second, I take your views and ideas seriously, and that is why am writing this. I acknowledge that much of the information in this blog is personal and it is after much thought that I disclose any information. I will continue updating it, with everything that I think is OK to be disclosed to the public. If I omit any information or implement some of your requests, then the theme of my blog will be defeated.
I recently went through a drastic change in my life. I left a GREAT career to serve the public. I don’t regret it whatsoever.
My service to the public began on a high note: Paramilitary training. In the next few months, I will be sharing my experience at a military camp.

This is what I wrote in my journal on day 2 at the camp:

It is 1940hrs and today is the second day of my training. I am very tired and almost every part of my body is aching… I can barely write properly. It has been two days of strenuous exercises. All I can think about is resting and sleeping.
We are supposed to wake up at 0300hrs every day for the morning run. It is the toughest part of the training.
Honestly, all I think of when am in the camp is nothing. I live every moment at a time, and pray about it as it comes.
Oh God, please give me the grace to go through this to the end. I will always tell people of your grace if you help me out on this one. Please help me so that I may be in good health, strong and successful in this course. I love you God, in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

As I reminisce about the cold mornings and the morning run, one of our physical training instructors, Corporal (CPL) Makokha, comes into mind.  Every day at 0300 hrs, we would have a mini-parade where our physical count would be done (I will give details about these mini-parades in another post. At that time, I felt like CPL Makokha was a rough, lethal, merciless and a ruthless trainer (*sorry, that’s exactly what I felt at that particular time).
 He would make us run all the way uphill, in the dark, on the rocks, whether you fall into pot-holes or not, he didn’t care … you simply had to run. “Nani huyo anatembea, wewe…wewe!… nani huyo anatembea” (Who’s that walking, you… you!... who’s that walking) were the words he would say every day. I didn’t like him so much at that time. 

I need to stop typing, duty calls. I will continue with more stories from the camp in the near future.

Photo of CPL Makokha and I on a walk-rehearsal day (OBMS):

Watch out for more paramilitary stories.