How Far I'll Go

I've been staring at the edge of the water
As long as I can remember, never really knowing why
I wish I could be the perfect daughter or friend
But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try
Every turn I take, every trail I track
Every path I make, every road leads back
To the place I know, where I can not go, where I long to be

I know everybody on this island, seems so happy on this island
Everything is by design
I know everybody on this island has a role on this island
So maybe I can roll with mine
I can lead with pride, I can make us strong
I'll be satisfied if I play along
But the voice inside sings a different song
What is wrong with me?

See the light as it shines on the sea? It's blinding
But no one knows, how deep it goes
And it seems like it's calling out to me, so come find me
And let me know, what's beyond that line, will I cross that line?

The line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know, how far I'll go

Ghosting Friends

We’ve all experienced the inevitable ghosting by a guy. You know, you’re cruising along, things are going well, you’ve been texting every day, maybe even hung out a time or two…when all of a sudden, POOF. He vanishes, into thin air and into the night, leaving you wondering what you did wrong or what could have happened to scare him away and sometimes even checking obituaries because only death itself is a suitable excuse for him literally falling off the face of the earth. (C’mon. We’ve all been there.)

But what about when a friend ghosts?

It seems in this day and age of endless forms of communication, never has it been easier for people, and yes, even friends…to excommunicate themselves from our lives. I recently had this happen to me. A friend who I considered very near and dear to my life, someone I talked to almost daily and hung out with weekly and even traveled with, just one day disappeared from my life. I’ve been in this place in my life where I don’t want to do all the work anymore when it comes to friendships or relationships. I don’t want to feel like I’m making all the effort, doing all the inviting, always reaching out and asking and planning and coordinating. It’s exhausting. And it leaves you wondering “if I stop doing all of the work, would this person still be in my life?” And if the answer to that question is no, then was the relationship ever really that strong to begin with? I guess I got my answer with this particular friendship, because when I stopped being the initiator, the relationship completely fizzled. And that hurts. And left me wondering why I wasn’t more important to this person’s life the way they were to mine. But going through the upheaval that I’ve been through over this past year – all the changes and struggles and growth and BECOMING – it’s taught me more than a little bit about letting go. I don’t want to hold on to people who don’t want and don’t actively choose to be in my life, friends or otherwise. And I might have lost a few friends over the past year as a result of no longer being willing to carry the entire friendship on my back, but was it really a loss? I think some losses are really gains in that we gain back time we were investing in the wrong people and energy spent worrying about why they never seemed to quite reciprocate our efforts and even parts of ourselves that we lost in the frantic efforts to stay in someone’s life who wasn’t doing anything to keep us in theirs.

And so it goes with all people who ghost. A pretty wise woman once said: “Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did. Let it go.” (In case you were wondering, that pretty wise woman was me, haha!) So whether it’s a friendship or a relationship…here are a few tips for surviving a ghosting:

• Ask yourself: Did I do anything wrong here? Is there perhaps something that happened that I need to own up to and apologize for? Did I alienate this person in any way? If so, do what you need to do to make it right. Sometimes when we get really honest with ourselves, we realize that our own actions played a role, however, minor, in the other person’s retreat. HOWEVER, I will say this. When someone ghosts and completely vanishes from your life without a trace, typically there was nothing you did to cause it and nothing you could have done to stop it.
• Make peace with the fact that you may never know why they disappeared, stopped texting, stopped calling, and never talked to you again. Maybe they were going through something in their own lives that caused them to isolate themselves. Maybe another friend or relationship came along and distracted them. Maybe they were intimidated by you and didn’t see a place for themselves in your life. Or maybe it was none of the above or all of the above. The point is…you’ll likely never know. So you can beat your head repeatedly into a wall trying to figure out the un-figure-out-able, or you can simply let go and move on with your life.
• Realize that as horrible as this ghosting feels, this person’s retreat from your life does not have to completely devastate you. You have other options, both in love and friendship. Look around at the amazing people already in your life who DO make an effort to be there. Hey! Now you have more time to spend with them. And if you are in need of new people in your life, love and/or friendship might just be a swipe away. You have to be willing to put yourself out there a little and try new things if you want to meet new people. Nothing worthwhile in life was ever achieved by staying safe inside your comfort zone!

At the end of the day, just know that a friend or a romantic interest ghosting says nothing about you and everything about them. If they couldn’t even take the time to explain why they needed to exit stage left of your life, they’re not worthy of being in your life. Don’t hold a place for them. Move on to all the people and relationships and friendships that are rewarding and life-giving and always reciprocal. They are out there, I promise. You just might have to swipe right or left a few times to find them. 

Traditional Roles: Slavery for Women, Lordship for Men

“As long as you're cooking and doing laundry… is all good.” 

This was the cheeky statement from one of my male friends, when I started a discussion about traditional roles in the home. Now, he said that’s the appropriate role for women in a marriage or relationship is. 

For some women, the institution of marriage is just another form of slavery. Men may face the pressure of providing for their home, but women worry about who’s going to do the chores and take care of the children when that time comes. In the article “Marriage: Attractive, Archaic or Irrelevant”by Afiya Ray in Outlish, a man she interviewed said, “I had my wife on probation for 13 years before I decided to go through with this marriage thing… I was able to see that she could wash and cook and her body held up after our child”.  

For obvious reasons, this made some people steups, and while it doesn’t necessarily reflect the views of all men out there, it does remind us that women are judged on their ability to ‘take care’ of a home, in addition to their Coca Cola bottle shape. On the other hand, do men battle with expectations of them being a pseudo butler or that their women will think differently of them, if they can’t fix a bad pipe? I think not.

One friend told me that a ‘friend’ of hers recently told her that he didn’t think she was the kind of woman to come home to cook and clean, since she ran her own business. While he was proud of her ambition, he considered her ‘non-traditional’, and, thus, not necessarily traditional wife material. What pissed her off was that he seemed to consider it to be a big deal, because his mom always ‘took care’ of his father.

“I’m not saying the man can’t cook or clean either,” he added. “But the woman has to do more work.”

Some might say that’s 1950s’ thinking, but in 2017 men and women continue to argue about house roles. For example, when a male friend recently posted a Facebook status, saying that he needed to find a wife ASAP because doing laundry was such a pain, I expected him to get some flack, but the barely contained anger in the responses from some of his female friends surprised even me. 

My theory is that most men want a woman who will do what their mothers did for their fathers. It’s important to note, however, that the majority of these men didn’t grow up with their mothers as CEOs and executives working 11-hour days. I can understand when a man wants, or expects that kind of treatment, because it’s the only example he knows, but admittedly the thought of doing everything I saw my mother do is daunting. 

From a practical perspective, women know the importance of maintaining a clean home and a full belly. However, I think the bone of contention lies with being defined by traditional roles. 

While traditional roles may be a sore point for modern women, for older women, it’s considered the secret to success. When I asked my aunt, who has been married for over 30 years for her opinion, she told me:

“Keep his belly full and his balls empty. Take care of yourself because he ain’t blind, he will look, but he must be able to say that what waiting for him at home is better than what is being offered to him outside.”

I haven’t met a man yet who disagrees with that statement, and I don’t think I ever will, but while I think it makes sense my inner feminist is still a tad peeved by it. This is mainly because I think it implies that the onus is solely on the woman to make a relationship work. 

As a single, twenty-something-year-old woman, I sometimes wish that I had a man around just so I wouldn’t have to do everything in my apartment. Putting together furniture, hanging photos, lifting boxes, disposing of dead mice? Gross! In fact, I’ll gladly do five loads of laundry or cook for ten people before I pick up a hammer.

Most modern women, myself included, expect that our partners will be able to shoulder some of the domestic responsibilities around the house, like cooking and laundry, instead of relaxing, while we do housework. To tell us that this expectation implies that we are not “the type to cook, clean or take care of a man” is an insult. 

My aunt, who I mentioned before, and her husband both work, but if he wants stew chicken for dinner and he ‘gets home’ before my aunt, which is usually the case, he will take the chicken out of the fridge, defrost it and season it, and he will do the dishes afterward. He also helps in other areas, like remembering to put his whites and darks in the appropriate basket so when it’s time for her to do laundry, she doesn’t have to sort his clothes. For sure she handles the cooking and “jamming”, and the responsibilities of five children, but not without his help. 

I think most women would welcome this arrangement, and that any man whose wife or girlfriend has a career would think that sharing responsibilities is only fair. However, it is human nature to stereotype and assign roles based on gender, so frankly I don’t even know if moving away from traditional roles is truly possible unless circumstances demand it. I personally think people should be allowed to do what they’re best at when it comes to domestic chores regardless of gender. If both parties in a relationship work, getting all the chores done will have to be a team effort, especially when you throw kids into the mix. 

In situations where either party doesn’t work and stays at home full time, I think it is fairly safe to assume that the “house husband” or “house wife” will bear the lion’s share of the domestic duties. 

As far as I’m concerned, too many people get all caught up “in love” and forget that “see me and come live with me” are two entirely different things. No one, male or female, should assume that their partner would have the same attitude to traditional roles as they do. People need to be honest in the courtship phase about how important traditional roles are to them. Fellas need to realize that no woman they meet is going to be or do things exactly like mommy, and women need to articulate to their partner what kind of help they expect around the house, early on. When it comes to traditional roles in the home, a little cooperation around the house can go a long way to getting quality “jamming ” on the regular.

Tough Love: You have to be twice as good as them to get half of what they have!

Father: You've gotten yourself into a bit of trouble, daughter, and I'm here to fix it.

Daughter: No.

Father:  [speaking very rapidly] Now listen to me. You raised your skirt and opened your knees and gave it away to a man with too much power. You're not rare. You're not special. Your story's no different than a thousand other stories in this town, so you know how this goes. You could call this in your sleep. First they'll smile, be warm, sympathetic, on your side, letting you know that they will fight for you. They will lull you into a false sense of security. And then, once your belly is exposed, They will GUT you and everyone you know. And they will be swift about it. And by the time you realize you should be fighting back, well, you're already bleeding to death. That is the presidency versus you. Whose victory do you think they will fight for? Whose body do you think they will bury? That is the presidency versus you.

Daughter: He would never

[she's cut off]

Father:  [Mocking] "He would never" You and I both know that he is not in charge. He is never in charge. POWER is in charge. Power got him elected. I know more than you could possibly imagine about things of which you cannot dream. He told you that you would be first lady, and you believed him! Did I not raise you for better? How many times have I told you 'You have to be' - what? You have to be - what?

Daughter: Twice...

Father:  [shouting] What?

Daughter: Twice as good.

Father: Twice as good as them to get half of what they have. Sleeping with that! For God sakes! You know to aim higher. At the very least, you could have aimed for chief of staff, secretary of state! First lady! Do you have to be so mediocre?

Father: [scolding his daughter] Sleeping with that for God's sake! You know to aim higher. At the very least, you could have aimed for Chief of Staff, Secretary of State! First lady! Do you have to be so mediocre?

Father: Money is not a problem. There's always money. Money bought that plane. Money bought the silence of the gentleman who will fly that plane. It contains a passport, a Swiss bank book, a go-file, an entirely new identity. There is a very nice island waiting for you at the end of the flight. You will stay there for eight months. Then I can arrange a place for you in Brussels. Thailand, if you prefer, Johannesburg... anyplace but here, really, as long as you disappear.

Daughter: And what if I don't want to go?

Father: Daughter, you're getting on that plane come hell or high water. And to be clear, I am the hell and the high water.

___Script from Shonda Rhimes___

Dear Future Child

Dear Future Child,

Its Not Me Delaying You...

It's Your Father.

Ladies, Learn!

I am not posting this story as a complaint, neither am I posting it to portray my attitude or thoughts on marriage. In fact, I think marriage is beautiful if you involve God in your marriage and if you are with the right person. 

The reason for posting this story on my blog is to let ladies know that they have their own lives and that they should not give up their careers in favour of their husbands "to support the family". This story contains twists and turns which show how culture, patriarchy and law enforcement all work against women.  This story is best if read together with this court case. 

Learn ladies! Learn!

In June 2002, Wendi Wangui and Kevin Latema were married in a colourful church ceremony.  The couple settled down in Nairobi’s Lang’ata estate, in a house which Kevin had been renting. Wendi, though educated and a graduate of the University of Nairobi, had opted to become a house wife so that she could take care of her husband and the children the couple hoped to have.

In March of 2003, while expecting the couple’s first child, Wendi left the matrimonial home and moved in with her sister, Wangechi, who lived in Westlands. Wendi explained to Wangechi that she had left her matrimonial home because she feared for her life and the life of her unborn child. Wendi further explained that the night before she left her home, Kevin had arrived home late in the night and had demanded that she prepare his dinner. She had done so and proceeded to bed. Kevin had followed her shortly thereafter and demanded his conjugal rights. Wendi had declined, saying that the she had been to the doctor’s that day as she had experienced some pain in her abdomen, and the doctor had ordered her to rest and avoid sexual contact because it seemed she had developed some complications with her pregnancy. Kevin had ignored her and proceeded to force himself on her. Wendi had started experiencing some bleeding during the night and Kevin had rushed her to hospital, where she was treated and discharged in the early hours of the morning. However, Wendi said she had left because she feared Kevin. She explained that Kevin had slapped her and shoved her around several times, especially when she questioned him about the family’s finances.

Wangechi then called their mother and explained the situation. Wendi’s mother advised her to go back to her matrimonial home as it was not good to desert her husband.  Her mother said she would talk to Wendi’s in-laws so that they could try and help the couple resolve any issues they were having. Indeed, Wendi’s mother organized a meeting with Kevin’s mother during which meeting Kevin’s mother had requested Wendi to move in with her until the baby was born in order to ensure the safety of both Wendi and the baby. Wendi obliged and moved in with her mother-in-law. The couple’s son was born safely a few months thereafter and Kevin requested that Wendi move back in with him, promising to never hit her again. Wendi agreed and the couple seemed to have resolved any issues that they had.

In July 2004, Kevin, who worked as an Architect running his own firm won a contractual deal with a multi-national company to design an office park. This deal brought in a significant amount of money which enabled Kevin to buy the home in Lang’ata, which was until then rented. Kevin also bought a 5 acre piece of land in Kibiku, Ngong’. He sold his old Toyota saloon car and bought a Mercedes for himself and also a Toyota RAV4 for Wendi.

In 2005, Wendi conceived again. During the course of her pregnancy, she noticed that Kevin would come home late several days a week. When she asked him why he had started coming home late, Kevin slapped her, and told her to mind her own business. Wendi later found out through mutual friends that Kevin had recently started having an affair with a woman he worked with, and that Kevin was in fact in the process of buying an apartment for that woman.  Wendi confronted Kevin with this information, and Kevin had physically assaulted her, leaving her with a bruised face and a broken arm.  Wendi had called her sister Wangechi, who rushed her to hospital. The doctors confirmed that Wendi had also lost the pregnancy.  Wendi had gone to the police station in Lang’ata and reported the assault by Kevin. Although the police held Kevin for several hours and questioned him, he was not charged with any offence. Wendi went back to the matrimonial home and took her son and moved in with her sister. She stayed with her sister for several months, until Kevin’s mother intervened and begged Wendi to return to her matrimonial home, promising to make sure that Kevin would “behave”. Wendi agreed and moved back in with her husband.

In 2006, the couple started constructing a huge palatial home on the piece of land Kevin had bought in Kibiku. The home was completed in 2007 and the couple moved in, while opting to rent out their premises in Lang’ata. The couple was blessed with another child, this time a daughter in 2008. Wendi had also started doing some farming on two acres of land in Kibiku, making a monthly income of Kshs. 50,000 from her farming activities. Wendi was also in charge of ensuring that the rental property in Lang’ata was in good order and that rent was collected.  By 2011, partly due to the income which Wendi was bringing in, the couple had acquired more rental properties in Ngong’ town, comprising of a block of 8 flats on a one acre plot, which was bought at a cost of Kshs. 15 million. 

In January 2014, Wendi discovered that Kevin was still carrying on an affair with the woman from his office. She asked him why he had not ended the affair and Kevin had punched her on the face, breaking her nose. Wendi took the children and resolved to end the marriage. She moved in with her sister for some time, but when one of the rental units she managed became vacant, she occupied that unit. She and Kevin lived separately until January 2015,  when Wendi decided to move to court to officially file for a divorce. Wendi wanted the court to award her full custody the couple’s two children and half of the couple’s property. In June 2015, she was granted a legal separation, but the divorce was not yet finalized. In September, 2015, angry and upset that Wendi was tearing their family apart, Kevin had gone to Wendi’s home to talk to her. Kevin had found Wendi alone in the home and he then begged her to forgive him. Wendi turned him away and asked him to leave. Kevin insisted that Wendi was still his wife and had demanded his conjugal rights. Although Wendi categorically refused, Kevin had still proceeded to have intercourse with her.  Wendi reported the incident to the police, and had wanted the police to charge Kevin with rape. The police said they could not charge Kevin, as he had not committed an offence.

Wendi was shocked by the response the police gave her. She moved back in with her sister, saying that she did not feel safe living by herself as she feared what Kevin might do to her. In November 2015, Wendi met a gentleman named Paul and the two developed a whirlwind romance. Wendi says she thinks she has found true love and wants her divorce from Kevin finalized so that she can settle down with Paul. When Kevin catches news of the affair, he immediately requests his advocate to contest all the prayers that Wendi made in her divorce petition and to indicate that Wendi is to blame for the breakdown of the marriage because she is guilty of deserting their matrimonial home, and had done so several times during the subsistence of their marriage, and that she had committed adultery. 

If you were Wendi, what could you have done differently?

Updates

It has been quite a while since I updated my blog, I have been very busy with work... but that doesn't mean that stuff hasn't been happening.

In the past few months, my little sister graduated (YAAAY!). It was more of an achievement for the rest of the family than it was for her. I am so proud of her. I pray that God continues to bless her and to show her His will in her life.

I've been doing a lot of learning and research, especially on Production Sharing Contracts (PSCs) of oil and gas sectors and taxation (especially in African countries) of the same. I have also been doing research on OECD's Base Erosion and Profit Shifting (BEPS) action points in line with Sustainable Development Goals. Exciting stuff! I love and enjoy my job and research.

On love and relationships, my friends and relatives have been acting all concerned and they keep asking me who THE GUY is and when the d-day is. They are always quick to remind me that time is running out and that I have a ticking biological clock.

To all by friends and relatives that are concerned about my biological clock: I serve, believe and trust the Author of Time. He is not subject to time. I am subject to Him. He is the controller of time. He has the ability to stop, fast-forward, pause, or rewind at any given time.

In any case, I am not sure if I'm ready to settle down. I keep praying for God's perfect will.

Doing the Right Thing

I believe in doing the right thing.

So often, easy and quick solutions present themselves to us in our dearest moment of need. 

Nothing justifies a compromise; not unmet financial obligations, debt, threat, or even family.

One of the hardest things to do in life is to do the right thing. What you think is the right thing; not what you friends, family, teachers, boss and society thinks is the right thing.

Often, we have a little voice in your head that tells what the right thing is. Or a gut feeling.

Now, why should you do the right thing? Here are three excellent reasons:

1. You tend to get what you give.

By doing the right thing you tend to get the same things back. Give value to people, help them and they will often want to help you and give you value in some form. Not everyone will do it but many will. Not always right away but somewhere down the line. Things tend to even out. Do the right thing, put in the extra effort and you tend to get good stuff back. Don’t do it and you tend to get less good stuff back from the world.

2. To raise your self-esteem.

This is a really important point. When you don’t do the right thing you are not only sending out signals out into your world. You are also sending signals to yourself. When you don’t do the right thing you don’t feel good about yourself. You may experience emptiness or get stuck in negative thought loops. It’s like you are letting yourself down. You are telling yourself that you can’t handle doing the right thing. To not do the right thing is a bit like punching yourself in the stomach.

3. To avoid self-sabotage.

A powerful side effect of not doing the right thing is that you give yourself a lack of deservedness. This can really screw up you and your success. If you don’t do the right thing in your life then you won’t feel like you deserve the success that you may be on your way towards or experiencing right now. So you start to self-sabotage, perhaps deliberately or through unconscious thoughts.

If you on some level don’t think that you are a person who deserves the success you want then you will probably find a way to sabotage that success. You may rationalize it as being about something else or what someone else did. But oftentimes it’s just you standing in your own way. By doing the right thing your can raise your self-esteem and feel like a person who deserves his/her success.

How to do it

Here are a few suggestions that can hopefully help you to do the right thing more often.

Review the reasons why you are doing it.

Whenever you feel unsure about doing the right thing remind yourself of the powerful reasons above (or any other that you can come up with). They might give you that extra push of motivation you need to spring into action.

Go for improvement. Not perfection.

I’m not saying you will do the right thing all the time. I certainly don’t. But I’m saying that we can strive for gradual improvement. If you for instance do the right thing 10 percent of the time right now then try to doing it 20 percent of the time. And then 30 percent. Or you can try to do the right thing at as many opportunities as you find this week. Try some stuff and see works best for you.

My point is just to not get stuck in thinking about perfection or being some kind of saint. This can paralyse you from taking any action at all. Or leave you with negative feelings despite doing the right thing many, many times (since you are still not feeling like you are not quite perfect).

If you seldom do what you feel/think is the right thing now then you will probably not be able to change this completely over the weekend. It might take some time.

Just do it.

The more you think about these things, the more often you tend to come up with reasons to not do it. You need to think but not over think since that often traps you in analysis paralysis. To raise your self-esteem and get a spiral of positive action spinning in your world and with the people around you need to start moving and take action.

Taking the route of doing the right thing takes more effort and can be more painful. It’s often seemingly the harder thing to do.

But when you understand how you are hurting yourself it gets a lot harder to just avoid doing the right thing. The perceived advantages of not doing the right thing – such as it being easier – tend to lose their power and are replaced with a more clearer understanding of what you are doing to yourself and others.

Taking this – perhaps a little less traveled – path is a lot more rewarding than taking the easy way out. Both for you and for the world around you.

Thanking God for 2016. I thank God for 2015 too!

2015 has been awesome! It was full of nice things and lessons.

In this year, I graduated - twice; in the same year! I still cannot cannot believe it. I give God all the glory for that.

I cannot thank God enough, especially for my masters. The journey was not easy. It took a lot of sacrifice and opportunity cost. Sometimes I slept hungry (mostly because I forgot to eat), I lost friends. Sometimes I would spend 20 hours per day in the library. The sacrifice was real (and not even close to being nominal at all :))  ).

My friend Socrates and I on our graduation's rehearsal.

My friend, Geoffrey (Governor) and I on the graduation rehearsal day.

I am also thankful to God for the opportunity that I got in 2015 to accompany with my friend, Alecia, in ministering to women in Tanzania. It was amazing. I learnt so much especially from my interaction with Alecia. I hope to get more opportunities to do missionary work in 2016.

I got into a relationship in 2015 just as I had desired to at the end of 2014. I allowed myself to be free and vulnerable; I dared to trust. Although it did not end up well, I learnt my share of lessons . I am now a smarter person than I was then. I am glad I dived into that relationship. I believe that it was a necessary stage of my growth. I refuse to beat up myself because of my failed relationship. I refuse to give up just because of a failed relationship. In fact, I choose to practice the lessons that I learnt in my future relationships. I hope and pray that I will get into (and stay in) a relationship in 2016. I pray that the next relationship that I get into will lead into marriage. However, I will not be too hard on myself. I will take it slow, if need be. Marriage is never an emergency. I am no longer worried about the 12 healthy eggs that have gone in 2015. I am more concerned about having peace in my heart and in pleasing God in all that I do.

I am thankful to God that I got posted at the exact place/area/department I wanted to work in within my organization. I enjoy it and I love my job (sometimes).

I pray that God will continue to walk with me in my journey in 2016. 

I still believe that God isn't limited to operating within a certain system. I also believe that He does not operate on a budget; I will not limit Him to one. Where He leads, He provides.

Dear God, may everything that I do in 2016 be for Your glory and honour. Please give me the grace to go through all that comes my way.

NGAHIKA NGAI ENDA!

I recently got a call from a certain girl that I schooled with. She was a year ahead of me in primary school.

She insisted that I should get married and that marriage was the best thing that ever happened to her. She was on a quest to convince me that the earlier one gets married, the better. She even did the Math to explain that it’s very important to have children early. As if that was not enough, she also insisted that I should lower my bar a little bit and that getting married now is better before I do further studies… because that would intimidate all my potential husbands.

She acknowledged that I have not had a very good opinion of men and explained that not all men are the same. Some men, like her husband, are good. She completed her call by telling me that she would pray for me to get a husband.

She is not the first one to attack me on the issue of marriage. Others are overly concerned about me not being alone… it’s like am doomed when I am alone.

The craziest thing that has ever happened to me was getting an offer to be a clandestine, or even to be an official second wife!  

My thoughts:

Although I have positively changed my opinion on marriage, thanks to God and Alecia, I absolutely don’t understand why people have been attacking me on the issue of my marriage.

Is marriage an emergency? Am I getting married to make others happy? Am I getting married to fit in the society?

First of all, if a man is intimidated by me, then he’s not the man I am interested in. Secondly, I will not lower my bar. As a matter of fact, I will raise it even higher.

God holds my destiny and He knows who my husband is. He has my life and future in His hands.

I know that He has good plans for me and He constantly reminds me about it in Jeremiah 29:11:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Therefore, what others say, imply, or think, I am least moved. 

Finally, but most importantly, JESUS COMMANDS MY DESTINY!

Don't Hold Back Yourself - Part II

To live life to the fullest, you'll need to ignore what other people think and be what you want to be. Wear what you want to wear. Say what you want to say (but please, don't offend anyone). Do what you want to do.

 Only it's not that easy, because whether we should or not, we do care what people think of us, we do care what people say about us. We even care what strangers might think of us. But what kind of life is this? A kind where we are all hidden behind a mask and we all want to get out but can't. 

It's a kind that should be demolished and replaced with a fair world full of joy, unprejudiceness, and health. But it's never that easy...

Here's some advice that I love: People are always going to talk - you may as well give them something FIERCE to talk about!
 

Don't hold back yourself! Do your thing!

 

 

 

Goodbye 2014! Thank You God for 2015!

 Another year, another 12 healthy eggs months, gone!


2014 has gone so fast. I have enjoyed some parts of the year (mostly those spent in class) and have had fun in others with friends and family. I am grateful to God for 2014.

No! Am not scared, neither am I complaining. Am only raising my point of concern... and I confess that it is not that easy for me to write out this and post it on my blog.

 I am very happy as an independent woman. I love being in control. I enjoy my freedom, a lot. However, I am concerned that time is moving so fast. Sometimes I wish that I could stop time from moving.

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but there are LOTS of  “have to’s” that we each live by.  Many of them come from “the experts”, from our parents, from our teachers, etc.  We are continually taught these hard and fast rules about life.  This is what you MUST do to be ….. a success. A good person. Responsible. Have a good life. Be a good christian. And on and on.  This is the path you MUST follow or you WILL destroy your life.  Now let me say that everything that we’re taught, isn’t bad.  Much is really good and we need to hold onto those things.  We especially hold on to the truth of God’s word, for it is ALWAYS TRUE.  And we need to live within the laws of our society as along as they don’t go against God’s higher order.

But there are things that we are taught, that are accepted as an absolute truth, but aren’t. ( Stolen from my friend, Alecia )

As I grew up, I remember being advised by my older relatives to keep off boys... that boys are bad, and that they are out to ruin girls' lives (I even believed that I could get pregnant by sitting on a chair that a boy had sat on :) ). I was also advised to study, study and study... and that education is the only thing that matters for a happy life. I faithfully followed their advice.

Now that am all grown up, I realize that education is not everything. There are other important things that can bring about happiness. I have come to this realization through observing my friends and former classmates that have taken the leap of faith to start families. No, am not jealous of them. I admire the happiness and contentment in their eyes.

 This is real, people! I never thought that I would get to a point in time where I would have concerns about getting children.

Anyway, for 2015, I have a resolution that I have never made before. I will allow myself to be vulnerable, to be free, and to dare to trust.

I pray that God walks with me in this unknown journey.

 God isn’t limited to operating within a certain system.  He is a creative God, with limitless creativity.  So when we walk with Him, the possibilities are endless!