I was in third grade, 8 years old, when two brothers were transferred to our school. I guess they were twins. Our school had two streams. One of them came to my class and the other one went to the other class.
Apparently, it turned out that the guy that came to my class was academically bright. E was his name.
It was around this time that the soap "Maria de los Angeles" was being aired on national TV. It was the first Mexican soap that I watched and keenly followed, at ages 8 to 9.
I was in grade four (8.5 years old) when I decided to make my first move. I proposed to him to be my boyfriend, and he surely became my boyfriend. (I learnt the proposal tactics from the Mexican soap) > At age 9, we didn't know much. Our love was only about staring at each other. We never hugged, never kissed, and never had sex; we were too young to know about these things. The closest we got to each other was being desk-mates.
I had funny feelings for him, I must confess, feelings that would overwhelm me every time our eyes met. Most people in my class knew about us.
We were in grade seven when I noticed that he was looking at Faith, my classmate, in the same way he used to look at me. I couldn't stand it. I had to let him go, I pushed him to Faith. He actually went to her. It was hurting. I was disappointed. I made a pledge to myself that I would work very hard in school, outdo him and his competitors. That is actually what happened. I beat him in national exams.
I really loved him. I cried myself out for the next two years while in high school (I always laugh at myself everytime I think about how stupid I must have been). Eventually, I developed new interest for myself - hard work in academics and resilience.
There was no way I would allow any alien to come mess up my feelings again!
If I were asked what I think about E today, I would say appreciation > I thank him for having broken my heart at such an early age. It was during the healing process that I learnt the meaning and the need for hard work in school. What I feel for him: gratitude. I honestly don't know what I saw in him. Currently, he's a good friend.
I would be lying if I said that I haven't had crushes on people > I have had crushes on so many people. I would also be lying if I said that I haven't had the funny feelings for people, I have.
I guess the issue here is that I am too shy to let them know or that I don't have the audacity to make the first move (Goodness! What happened to my 8-year-old self? I miss her!).
I have had aliens making their proposals to me - sometimes I feel like pushing a grenade down their throats. Some of the aliens are nice guys. Sometimes I am tempted to say yes to the nice ones (you know yourselves), but NO. I think that having a boyfriend or a girlfriend would drain too much out of me. I am not ready for a relationship, I guess. Besides, you know I can't stand the male species.
Please note that my experience and encounter with love has absolutely NOTHING to do with my attitude towards men and marriage.
I am yet to discuss the source of my attitude in another blog-post. Watch out for it.
***Sorry, E. I don't mean to hurt you.
Edit: June 2015-
E moved on and married a beautiful lady. They now have a lovely daughter. I am happy for him if he's happy in his marriage. ...I don't know if I've moved though :(
Apparently, it turned out that the guy that came to my class was academically bright. E was his name.
It was around this time that the soap "Maria de los Angeles" was being aired on national TV. It was the first Mexican soap that I watched and keenly followed, at ages 8 to 9.
I was in grade four (8.5 years old) when I decided to make my first move. I proposed to him to be my boyfriend, and he surely became my boyfriend. (I learnt the proposal tactics from the Mexican soap) > At age 9, we didn't know much. Our love was only about staring at each other. We never hugged, never kissed, and never had sex; we were too young to know about these things. The closest we got to each other was being desk-mates.
I had funny feelings for him, I must confess, feelings that would overwhelm me every time our eyes met. Most people in my class knew about us.
We were in grade seven when I noticed that he was looking at Faith, my classmate, in the same way he used to look at me. I couldn't stand it. I had to let him go, I pushed him to Faith. He actually went to her. It was hurting. I was disappointed. I made a pledge to myself that I would work very hard in school, outdo him and his competitors. That is actually what happened. I beat him in national exams.
I really loved him. I cried myself out for the next two years while in high school (I always laugh at myself everytime I think about how stupid I must have been). Eventually, I developed new interest for myself - hard work in academics and resilience.
There was no way I would allow any alien to come mess up my feelings again!
If I were asked what I think about E today, I would say appreciation > I thank him for having broken my heart at such an early age. It was during the healing process that I learnt the meaning and the need for hard work in school. What I feel for him: gratitude. I honestly don't know what I saw in him. Currently, he's a good friend.
I would be lying if I said that I haven't had crushes on people > I have had crushes on so many people. I would also be lying if I said that I haven't had the funny feelings for people, I have.
I guess the issue here is that I am too shy to let them know or that I don't have the audacity to make the first move (Goodness! What happened to my 8-year-old self? I miss her!).
I have had aliens making their proposals to me - sometimes I feel like pushing a grenade down their throats. Some of the aliens are nice guys. Sometimes I am tempted to say yes to the nice ones (you know yourselves), but NO. I think that having a boyfriend or a girlfriend would drain too much out of me. I am not ready for a relationship, I guess. Besides, you know I can't stand the male species.
Please note that my experience and encounter with love has absolutely NOTHING to do with my attitude towards men and marriage.
I am yet to discuss the source of my attitude in another blog-post. Watch out for it.
***Sorry, E. I don't mean to hurt you.
Edit: June 2015-
E moved on and married a beautiful lady. They now have a lovely daughter. I am happy for him if he's happy in his marriage. ...I don't know if I've moved though :(
Letting it all out in the open. Goodness! I feel like I've exposed too much of myself.
ReplyDeleteMe I have a crush on you.
ReplyDeleteOh no you don't! If you did, you wouldn't have let the public know. I think you like making me angry. You'll not be able to do so anymore.
DeleteTelling it as it was Judy, I would not call it 'romantic love' or 'being in love' since there is a difference between being in love and other affections which include the love of parents, siblings, and friends. 'being in love' has the component of sexual desire and without it, then it just is not 'romantic love'. It might be a deep friendship, companionship, or some other positive relationship emotion, but not 'being in love'. I think someone at that age is incapable of having 'romantic feelings'.
ReplyDeleteWencer dearest,
DeleteI agree, that was innocent love. It was deep friendship.